This is a Fake Email about Congress and a Travel Agent
but, I bet some one some where Had this happen to them


A DC airport ticket agent offers some examples of 'why' our country is in trouble!

1.I had a Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)


2.I got a call from a Congressman's staffer , who wanted to go to Capetown.
I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts .''
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,
''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Capetown is in Africa ''
his response -- click.


3. A senior Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did.
I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando.
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not
possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, 'don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin
state!'' (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife (Landra Reid) who asked, ''Is it
possible to see England from Canada ?''
I said, ''No.''
She said, ''But they look so close on the map.'' (OMG, again!)

5.An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if
he could rent a car in Dallas . I pulled up the reservation and noticed he
had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas . When I asked him why he wanted to rent
a car, he said, ''I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car
to drive between gates to save time.'' (Aghhhh)


6.An Congresswoman called last week. She needed
to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 a.m.,
and got to Chicago at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois , but she couldn't
understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went
fast, and she bought that.


7. A New York lawmaker, called and asked, ''Do airlines put
your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to
whom?'' I said, 'No, why do you ask?'
he replied, ''Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my
luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that's very rude!''
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it. (I was dying
laughing). I came back and explained the city code for Fresno , Ca. is
(FAT- Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag
on his luggage..

8. A Senator aide called to inquire about a trip
package to Hawaii .. After going over all the cost info, she asked, ''Would
it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii ?''


9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman, who asked,
''How do I know which plane to get on?'' I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied,
''I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.''


10. Senator called and said, ''I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida . Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?''
I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola , FL on a commuter plane.
She said, ''Yeah, whatever, smarty!''


11. a Senator called and had a question about the
documents she needed in order to fly to China . After a lengthy discussion
about passports, I reminded her that she needed a visa. 'Oh, no I don't.
I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those.''
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa. When I told her
this she said, ''Look, I've been to China four times and every time they
have accepted my American Express!''

12. A Congressman called to make reservations, ''I
want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York .''
I was at a loss for words. Finally, I said, ''Are you sure that's the name
of the town?''
'Yes, what flights do you have?'' replied the man.
After some searching, I came back with, ''I'm sorry, sir, I've looked up
every airport code in the country and can't find a rhino anywhere."
''The man retorted, ''Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check
your map!''
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, ''You don't
mean Buffalo , do you?''
The reply? ''Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.''

Dear Mom & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Love, Jimmie

In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.
Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts,
it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040,
there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

NEW YORK -- A public school teacher was arrested today
at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and
a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he
believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying
weapons of math instruction. 'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney
General said. 'They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go
off on tangents in search of absolute values.'

They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as
'unknowns', but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator
of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every
triangle'.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, 'If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us
more fingers and toes.'

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or
profound statement by the President.

E-MOONING!!

We all know those cute little computer
symbols called 'emoticons,' where: . . .

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by . . .

:-) or :-( . . .

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes: . . .

(_!_) a regular ass


(__!__) a fat ass


(!) a tight ass


(_*_) an ass hole


{_!_} a swishy ass


(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass


(_X_) leave my ass alone


(_zzz_) a tired ass


(_E=mc2_) a smart ass


(_$_) Money coming out of his ass


(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned!