25 interesting things that you learn about computers in the movies...

1. High tech equipment is often driven by a computer with a DOS prompt. (re: RoboCop)

2. High tech companies don't do offsite backups of the data (re: Terminator 2)

3. All media devices are readily available - ie If someone hands you a DAT tape with important data on it your PC will have a DAT drive.

4. No matter what you ask a computer to do it will respond with a percentage complete bargraph - especially when searching for data it can accurately give you the time remaining until it finds that data.

5. Data searching will always involve displaying all the searched data on the screen until a match is found - this is true of text and graphics such as fingerprints.

6. Telephone calls can be easily redirected through places all over the world, and upon a tracea globe will be displayed complete with lines travelling between each place.

7. Deleting of data always takes just a little less time than it takes the bad guys to knock down the door.

8. Alltechnology is plug and play - every computer can have any piece of technology attached.

9. High tech graphical interfaces are often driven by hundreds of keystrokes which do not appear anywhere on the screen.

10. IP addresses automatically supply the feds with the physical address (ie log on and they know where you are!)

11. Word processors never display a cursor.

12. You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences. Just keep hitting the keys without stopping

13. All monitors display 2 inch high letters.

14. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical >interfaces.

15. Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.

16. Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing "ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES" on any keyboard.

17. Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS." Viruses cause temperatures in computers, > >just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk >drives and monitors.

18. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.

19. Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.

20. All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward. (See #7, above)

21. People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.

22. A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

23. Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.

24. Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.

25. When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.

26. If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen. There are no ways to copy a >backup file -- and there are no undelete utilities.

27. If a disk has encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.

28. No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by >any system you put it into. All application software is usable by all >computer platforms.

29. The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.

30. Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability.

31. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP.

32. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.

33. Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities. Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.

34. Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

35. Any photograph can have minute details pulled out of it. You can zoom into any picture as far as you want to.

This one is fresh from gramps laptop...and fairly entertaining as well!




*Only in** **America** ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of *


*the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. **




**Only in** **America** ......do people order*


*double cheeseburgers, large fries, and* * a diet coke. *


*



**Only in** **America** ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to * * the counters. *


*



**Only in** **America** ......do we leave cars*


*worth thousands of dollars in the*


*driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.**




**Only in** **America** ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. **




**Only in** **America** ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'. **




**Only in** **America** ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. **




**EVER WONDER ....**




**Why the sun lightens our hair,* *
**but darkens our skin** **?**
*
*


**Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? **




**Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? **




**Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?** **




**Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'? **




**Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? **




**Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? **




**Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? **




**Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?** **




**Why didn't Noah swat those two** ** mosquitoes? *


*



**Why do they sterilize the needle for* * lethal injections?*


*



**You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?! **




**Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?* *< BR>
**


**Why are they called apartments when*


*they are all stuck together?**




**If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress? **




**If flying is so safe,**
**why do they call the airport the terminal?

Hey guys,

marfiahitman and I want to get a Halo game going one of these nights...reposting his blog right here. If you want in, head over to his blog and add your gamertag. once we get enough people to play some team deathmatch or whatever, we'll pick a date and get the game going....

From marfia:

ok, heres the deal.
the admin and i have gotten an idea to have a SV membors game of halo on xbox live...
the only thing is, we need people..
whose in?

requiments..

xbox 360

xbox live gamertag

and a copy of halo 3

... my gamer tag is IC3 HAMM3R

give me your gamer tag and i'll add you

RESPOND TO HIM HERE!!!!
marfiahitman's blog

Ok, well this one isnt really from my gramps...but it was too funny to pass up.

**********************************************************************

I'm going back to the US for Christmas tomorrow! Yay!

My travel agent has, thoughtfully, seen fit to provide me with a pamphlet of helpful tips to make my overseas travel less of an anxiety-filled social minefield riddled with white people and guns. I got such a kick out of these that I wanted to share. (I picked most of the fun ones. There are a lot of boring tips too.)

* The yen is very strong against the dollar right now. This will make goods in America seem very cheap -- an excellent opportunity for shopping! However, remember to be polite in your use of money -- America is in the middle of economic malaise right now, and Japanese people with wads of money in their hand might be looked on with envy. Besides, if you are obviously wealthy in an American city, you may be robbed.

* For our valued customers who work in the automotive industry [#1 employer where I live], we advise discretion. If you must say where you work, the preferred phrasing is [English] "I work at the car company".

* Most Americans are very polite, particularly outside of the big cities. However, outside of the big cities, everyone owns guns. Inside the big cities, almost everyone owns guns. Let's be polite together!

* If you go shopping at an American department store, they will ask you if you want to open a credit card account. They are *not* asking whether you want to use a credit card. This may seem strange but it is an American custom to offer customers a credit card, in order to make them spend more money. We suggest politely declining offers of credit cards. You may have to politely decline several times. Don't think of this as rude, the Americans have to do it too.

* Most Americans think we look like Chinese or Koreans. Try not to be too offended.

* Most Americans will think that a Japanese person standing on the street is an American, unless they are holding a camera. If you are not comfortable speaking English, you might try bringing along a camera to say "I am a tourist, please don't expect me to speak English." Except, don't try this in the big cities -- tourists get mugged in big cities.

* Americans have a social institution called a "gratuity". Basically, the price on the menu at any place which serves food is not the real price. The real price is 20% higher. You have to calculate 20%, write it under the subtotal, and sum to arrive at the real price. Taxis work the same way. It is considered very rude not to pay the "gratuity".

* In general, Americans consider it impolite to discuss politics. However, this January Obama will become the new president, and many people are excited! If they ask you what you think of him, a safe answer is [English] "Obama is really cool." or [English] "Obama speaks so well. Not like me. Hehe." Be very careful when pronouncing his name. O BA MA, just like Obama City. [Ask me later. Hilarity abounds.]

* Most big cities have Japanese food available. You may have to look hard, though -- ask your hotel for some place to eat tempura. Restaurants which say they serve sushi probably only serve makizushi, like California rolls. (Americans think California rolls are [English] "sushi".) If a restaurant says [English] "Asian" they really mean Chinese. They are probably not really Chinese, either.

* Ladies: if you shop for clothes, ask for where to find [English] "petite". It means normal sized. Ladies who are petite may have difficulty finding clothes which fit in America, except at specialty shops.

* McDonalds: Has no teriyaki burger in America. Portions are bigger and food is cheaper. Sometimes the person taking the order does not speak English. Please relax! They probably understand the set menu, although it is called [English] "combo", and you can hold up the number with your hands as shown. [Snip of chart for how Americans count on their fingers, which is actually different than how Japanese people count on their fingers, hence the need for a chart.]

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to finish work and start packing. Toothbrush, shirts, camera, bullet-proof vest, wad of monopoly money, you know, the bare necessities.

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the Trans Canada Highway. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard women, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic.

They looked so life like you wouldnÂ’t believe it! They were in trench coats, exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers.

I started to change my tire, and to my surprise, cars started slowing down looking at my life-like women. And of course, traffic started backing up. Everybody was tooting their horns and waving like crazy. It wasnÂ’t long before a Mountie pulled up behind me.

He got out of his car and started walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

“What’s going on here?”

“My car has a flat tire,” I said calmly.

“Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard women doing here by the road?”

I couldnÂ’t believe that he didnÂ’t know. So I told him,

“Hello-o-o-o, those are my emergency flashers.”

ZING!!!