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Stupid Level: Brain Dead

Videos Submitted: 59

Submitted Video Views: 619,030

Friends: 99

Profile Views: 665

Last Login: Wed, July 6, 2011

Member Since: Jan. 18, 2008

Basic Info
D.O.B.: 1/1/1983
Gender: Male
City: Long Beach
State: CA
Country: United States
Wednesday, October 8, 2008 10:38:37 PM | 4 Comments
So I've been thinking lately about kissing girls, and how I'm really not doing enough of it. This sad occurrence isn't easily forgotten when there are pop songs regarding the subject matter playing constantly on the musak at my local shopping malls.

Katy Perry

I was caught completely off guard when this song hit the charts and became more popular than it ever should be. I was having a conversation with one of my lady friends (who unfortunately would prefer making out with a girl herself...which is only one of my problems) and she brought up this song. I expressed my familiarity with it and then had some stupid mundane conversation about kissing girls or something.

what i didnt know, after having this conversation i sent a link online to my friend trying to reminisce about the conversation we had just had (welcome to the digital age, where people forget everything always, and the only way to live is through links from youtube), maybe with the intention of her kissing me instead of girls.

this was the link:

this was absolutely NOT the song she was talking about, and if i wasn't far enough away from kissing this girl...i was much further after this embarrassing episode.

Both songs suck, i guess the katy perry version might be more listenable...danceable even...but the jill sobule version definitely has the 'authentic nineties' going for it.

personally, my favorite 'girls kissing other girls' song would be this one by Tatu:

now technically, i dont think this is actually ABOUT girls kissing girls...but the two girls definitely did kiss each other during the performances of this song.

it was mostly a promotional stunt...but it worked...and honestly...it's still working.

excuse me for a moment while i remember what it was like when girls kissed boys.
Wooly Bully
Thursday, October 2, 2008 7:44:50 PM | 1 Comment
So, after attempting to create a list featuring the hardest karaoke songs in existence (and not getting very far to be honest), I began getting curious about what the lyrics to that song Wooly Bully by Sam the Sham and The Pharohs actually were.

Well, as it turns out, in addition to being unintelligible, it also happens to be about a wooly bull.

That's right. A bull that has a lot of wool....apparently.

Possibly something like this.

So who knew?
One More Profile View
Tuesday, September 16, 2008 1:02:26 AM | 2 Comments
i just noticed my profile views is at 665...if you're reading this than you are either the lucky winner...or just another loser

wow...that sounds harsh...but it might possibly be true

just one more view and i will be overtaken by the beast of poor grammar and the remainder of my blogs will be incoherent and unreadable

wait...did i say the remainder? i meant all of them always and forever

thanks bye.
japanese people are funny, but hot girls aren't.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008 12:24:31 AM | 26 Comments
There are very few things in my life that i will stand by, but this is one of them:

Japanese people are inherently funny, and hot girls aren't.

I don't have a lot of scientific evidence to back me up on this one, only a few short examples - and that good ol' gut feeling!

The 'human tetris' phenomenon isn't new by anyone's standards here on the internet, and by that same logic anyone in japan who is familiar with the Japanese game show 'Tonneruzu' [that was lifted from wikipedia, i have no real idea what the show is actually called - the segment in question is called 'brain wall' for obvious[?] reasons] where they make people dress up in goofy one piece suits and brightly colored safety equipment in order to perform wacky stunts.

The 'brain wall' portion of the japanese show looks like this

it's hilarious in every way, people stuffing themselves through obscene holes cut into huge sheets of polystyrene, and the comedy is most likely heightened due to the simple fact that i don't know a single word of japanese, and the occasioanl dramatic outbursts of 'oooooohhhhhh' whenever something happens.

with the eventual popularity of this game on the internet [where everything interesting eventually gets put, buried, found, and then buried again to be discovered by a later generation] impending, other networks wanted to cash in on this outstanding idea [think - any show you THOUGHT was an original concept, turns out to be a cheap japanese ripoff, unless it's a cheap japanese ripoff of a horrible western idea - like the mega mac]

[scratch that...that's actually a really good idea]

here are two other versions of the show, and why i don't like them:

first: The american version

I just watched this last night in the laundry mat, and being a typically cynical guy i had zero intention of liking this.

i was right, it's no good. the idea gets stale after a few minutes of some body builder in a shiny foil outfit squeezing through a hole three times his size, followed by a big fat radio dj having to worm his way through the eye of a needle. there isn't any organic energy spewing from this remake, much like the failed 'whammy' show or any of the post richard-dawson feuds

the only thing they actually did right about this show, is this:

which brings me to a second tidbit of wisdom: fat people are funny.

second: the sexy italian version

now, to be fair, this was actually the first adaptation i had seen of this show [i only credit the japanese for creating it, well, because i saw it first with japanese people - and as we all know, japanese people are crazy...and that makes this all make sense] and it is by far the least entertaining.

hot chicks already have something going for them, they're hot. they don't have to stuff themselves through holes cut out of styrofoam. and this is most likely why they aren't ever funny.

don't get me wrong, i know girls that are funny that i think are 'cute' or 'attractive', but hot girls aren't funny....on purpose.

sometimes hot girls do things that i think are funny, but it's of no effort of their own, and that's a completely different conversation.

so in Italy, they have these super models dress up in very small bikinis and..a garter? [like that thing i never got to take off my date at prom] in this slick dimmly lit studio, and it looks a lot like this:

hot i know, but totally worthless. [don't worry, i watched all three and a half minutes...a couple times!]

they took an idea that is kind of funny and entertaining for how outlandish it is, and totally tried to make it sexy and serious.

it didn't work, at least not for this guy.

so in the mean time, i prefer my game shows crazy and japanese, and if they can find a way to replicate alex trebec in any way i think that would be fine also.
Tree climbing is for the birds!
Monday, September 8, 2008 10:44:41 PM | 1 Comment
going home from work from on a friday is typically uneventful, but this past friday WAS eventful [or at least filled with one noteworthy event].

i got a phone call about a shoe in a tree, and not only a shoe but a drum stand as well.

im not normally the person who gets called in situations like this, i guess it was just luck.

a shoe got thrown into a palm tree [a long boring story describes the reason behind this, but leave it at 'for a good reason'], and in order to get the shoe out a skateboard was tossed about in order to dislodge the shoe - and then the skateboard got stuck

so now there is one shoe and one skateboard in the tree.

upon inspection of the trunk of the car for more things to throw into the tree, a snare drum stand was grabbed - big, heavy, and metal.

a few tosses of the stand and the board is out - unfortunately the stand is in

so now there is a stand and a shoe, and then i show up.

after an exhausting train ride, there is nothing id rather do than drink a couple cold beers and listen to someone else's misfortune - and so that's what i did.

i regaled in the story of 'when i was a kid i climbed this palm tree....and then i got free pizza cuz they thought i was homeless' [there is stuff in between those parts of the story...but those are really the most important things]

like one of those little native kids i was able to zip up that tree...but that was more than ten years ago - and i wanted a coconut.

now im old, and there are no coconuts...just shoes - and they aren't mine.

so after taking a closer look at the palm tree, and a few beers, i was absolute in the fact that i definitely could NOT climb this tree - it was too thick, too high, i was too tired, a little drunk, too old, weak - and totally primed on proving that it was impossible.

well, it was possible, so possible that i was able to climb all the way to the top by the leaves, where all the stuff was stuck, but absolutely not any further.

and then i had to get down.

so now i got to the top, saw the stuff, and couldn't get it out - and now i have to figure out how to get out of this tree.

i hadn't really considered many options, i mostly just had one instinct and it was NOT to just let go. so i compromised, and i 'sort of' let go...and i slipped right out of that tree

imagine a fireman sliding down a firepole...a large wooden pole...and the fireman is some drunk kid in jeans and a tshirt

i lost some skin off my forearms and legs, it wasn't so bad for the first hour or so, and then it hurt a lot, and now i've forgotten all about it.

so i didn't get the stuff out of the tree, but at least i was able to add 'can climb a palm tree' to the resume.

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