So im running a little late for work [as usual]...and i don't mean to say 'late' necessarily...but im pretty much right on time for the train that allows me to get to work minutes after my scheduled time...until...

some guy with a walkie talkie and camo shorts asks me kindly if i can just wait here a moment or go three blocks that way [as he gestures toward the opposite direction]

i confusingly say yes...and then i notice that they are filming something up the street...so i inquire as to what is being shot...'the new knight rider series'

so...the NEW knight rider series forced me to be late to work!?

now some people out there might be saying to themselves 'it's really your own fault...why do you take the train that gets you to work a little late instead of getting there a little early and taking the train that gets you to work on time?'

yeah...well...why do they need to make another knight rider?

Here's the deal....don't try and carry a banana in your backpack unless you plan on baking banana bread [i hear you are supposed to use smashed up or brown bananas when you are making banana bread...having never attempted this feat, ill have to stick with the rumors]

it just gets all smashed up.

and then they are no fun to eat.





unless of course you have one of these:

http://www.mileskimball.com/mileskimball/Shopping/ProductDetail.aspx?CID=Kitchen&SCID=Food+Storage&CollectionID=DC0000353&SiteNum=0&SourceCode=10658000007

The state of California has recently enacted a law forbidding the use of cellphones while driving a vehicle...unless of course you are wearing one of those fashionable 'blue tooth' adapters.

now...i hate the new law, feeling that it is probably set up by bluetooth lobyists in order to sell blue tooth ear pieces...but since i rarely drive..and i even rarerely talk on my cell phone...this law doesn't really have much affect on me specifically

but i think what i hate more than this new law...are those stupid blue tooth ear pieces!

gangsters can wear those...that seems acceptable..nobodies gonna tell them not too...business men too i guess...they actually appear to benefit from it

but everyone else just looks like a bunch of tools who are talking to themselves...and who occasionally appear to be talking to me

since i don't agree with the law...but i still hate people who talk on their cell phones while swerving into me while driving...im conflicted...and i've found myself yelling out 'don't you know it's illegal now!?'...replacing my former call of 'hey fuckface! get off your cellphone!'

today a city official told me i couldn't skateboard on the sidewalk from his official city truck...while on his cellphone

dik.

and it was the guy who was sitting next to me on the train this morning.

and the thing about sitting next to a guy who smells like sandwiches is...it makes you really want sandwiches.

now, nevermind i happened to HAVE a sandwich in my bag which was sitting below me on the floor...i had to resist my urge to tear into it or else i would be without lunch

but this guy wouldn't stop smelling like sandwiches...and then i began to wonder why...and before long all i could think about was stacks and stacks of delicious sandwiches hand made by this guy...this very guy sitting right next to ME!

bologna? salami? is that mustard!? [i don't typically care for mustard..but this was like...that special mustard that only gets put on the real good sandwiches]

and then he got off the train...and i was relieved...because i could go back to thinking about the girl sitting at the front of the train instead of stacks of sandwiches

but i secretly still wanted one.

You know what I hate? those people in the elevator that are in there when you get on that are so impatient they press the door close button before you even step into it. Is that fraction of a second really worth the expended energy that it takes to jam their fat little finger into that little circular device? Can't they just politely stand there until i select my destination, in which case the doors will quietly close behind me? And then they give you that look like 'why can't you take the stairs?'. Listen elevator lady. Life is too short to get hung up on your poor elevator etiquette. take a moment to breath while i select my floor...you'll be a much happier person. or...i stick my finger in your eye!