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Stupid Level: Senseless
Videos Submitted: 20
Submitted Video Views: 168,321
Friends: 71
Profile Views: 113
Last Login: Sun, September 7, 2008
Member Since: Apr. 1, 2008
Basic Info
| Gender: | Male |
| City: | Los Angeles |
| State: | CA |
| Country: | United States |
Blog
Thoughts on a Walk In the Park
Wednesday, September 3, 2008 4:44:26 PM | 1 Comment
Wednesday, September 3, 2008 4:44:26 PM | 1 Comment
The park grants me a small measure of solace and, after dark, a slightly larger measure of heebie-jeebies. I walk in the park to make sense of it all. How did I reach this point, and are those guys going to mug me? Both are big questions, but I need the answer to the second one sooner.
I've been tackling the Problem of Evil. If there is an all-loving God, how can he allow evil to exist without allowing me to harness it to use against my enemies? My enemies are few-- the three major credit reporting bureaus. I don't believe their reporting is fair and balanced.
Coming to terms with my role in the universe. Pigeons don't fear me, but they do respect me. A significant improvement.
It's hard to believe that we're alone in the universe. Especially since I keep getting calls at 3:00 AM. This can't be a coincidence. If I were calling cross-galaxy, I would wait until the rates were cheaper, too. I can't help but wonder whether this is really an attempt to reach out to us or simply a drunk dial. If it is both, then extraterrestrials are having a much better time than I am.
Walking gives me time to be alone with my thoughts. It's been a mixed blessing. I've learned much more about my thoughts, but it is increasingly clear they don't appreciate my company. When I am alone with my thoughts, there tend to be uncomfortable silences.
Lately, there have been times when I've finally felt like I am in control of my own destiny. Then I end up at Seven-Eleven. I walk in and out without purchasing anything. The clerks don't respect me, but they do greet me. A significant improvement.
I look around the park and can't help but believe every tree, plant, and animal is a gift from God. Why do so many of God's gifts make me sneeze? Should I be offended? Also, I can't help but notice that his gifts are free, but the Church insists on a monetary offering. I am getting offended.
The universe is vast. That makes me hate my apartment just a bit more. It's so small, and there's next to no closet space. How could this happen with there being so much space out there? What's the excuse? Each of the stars represents another galaxy, full of promise and potential. And apartments?
In the park, I learn about myself. I am confident that I chart my own course in life. Charts. Courses. Flashbacks to remedial algebra, where I was ridiculed and beaten up for owning notebook paper. Nevertheless, when I return home my confidence holds firm. My cat doesn't greet me, but he does demand food. A significant improvement.
I've been tackling the Problem of Evil. If there is an all-loving God, how can he allow evil to exist without allowing me to harness it to use against my enemies? My enemies are few-- the three major credit reporting bureaus. I don't believe their reporting is fair and balanced.
Coming to terms with my role in the universe. Pigeons don't fear me, but they do respect me. A significant improvement.
It's hard to believe that we're alone in the universe. Especially since I keep getting calls at 3:00 AM. This can't be a coincidence. If I were calling cross-galaxy, I would wait until the rates were cheaper, too. I can't help but wonder whether this is really an attempt to reach out to us or simply a drunk dial. If it is both, then extraterrestrials are having a much better time than I am.
Walking gives me time to be alone with my thoughts. It's been a mixed blessing. I've learned much more about my thoughts, but it is increasingly clear they don't appreciate my company. When I am alone with my thoughts, there tend to be uncomfortable silences.
Lately, there have been times when I've finally felt like I am in control of my own destiny. Then I end up at Seven-Eleven. I walk in and out without purchasing anything. The clerks don't respect me, but they do greet me. A significant improvement.
I look around the park and can't help but believe every tree, plant, and animal is a gift from God. Why do so many of God's gifts make me sneeze? Should I be offended? Also, I can't help but notice that his gifts are free, but the Church insists on a monetary offering. I am getting offended.
The universe is vast. That makes me hate my apartment just a bit more. It's so small, and there's next to no closet space. How could this happen with there being so much space out there? What's the excuse? Each of the stars represents another galaxy, full of promise and potential. And apartments?
In the park, I learn about myself. I am confident that I chart my own course in life. Charts. Courses. Flashbacks to remedial algebra, where I was ridiculed and beaten up for owning notebook paper. Nevertheless, when I return home my confidence holds firm. My cat doesn't greet me, but he does demand food. A significant improvement.
Mike Tyson and the Metal Teeth
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 3:25:53 PM | 1 Comment
Tuesday, August 26, 2008 3:25:53 PM | 1 Comment
But then again what do I know? I never had sense knocked into me through round after merciless round of heavyweight boxing.
Akon and Rick Ross to Collaborate on Backstory
Thursday, July 31, 2008 2:17:51 PM | 1 Comment
Thursday, July 31, 2008 2:17:51 PM | 1 Comment
Acclaimed hard core rapper and "prevariKator" Akon announced today his intention to collaborate with fellow rapper and recently exposed fabulist Rick Ross, on "an entirely new, and completely convincing backstory".
Both rappers recently suffered public relations setbacks when their elaborate and oft-cited criminal histories were shown to be at least in part "completely made up and ****".
Earlier this year, online secrets repository The Smoking Gun (www.thesmokinggun.com) posted evidence that despite frequent assertions to the contrary, Akon, among whose albums is the 2006 hit "Konvicted", has not spent considerable amount of time in prison. However, sources indicate that Akon has visited numerous prisons via Google Streetz View. Similar problems have only recently derailed Rick Ross's fast rising rap career. Ross, who frequently claims to have made his first fortune "slinging weight," appears to have been employed at least part time as a guard in a Federal prison. Ross' latest album "Trilla," a recent chart topper is, according to the rotund law enforcer, a combination of True and Real. Ross was unavailable for comment at press time, but in the wake of allegations that his backstory is neither true nor real, Ross's publicist is defending the title as "Fronic", or "Funny and Ironic".
According to sources within music industry, representatives for the artists have contacted noted backstory embellisher and Hip Hop impresario Dr. Dre, and Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to assist them in the development of a new backstory that is "hard core, disturbing, and almost completely verifiable." Record industry observers speculate that if Dre and Whedon agree to collaborate, this new backstory could "be plausible", and possibly hit the streets as early as September, in time for the VMA's.
In a press release, Akon elaborated on his desire to work with the troubled corrections officer.
"Sometimes, it feels like a man is being Konvicted without a fair trial in a Kourt of Law. That's why worKing with someone who has close up Knowldge of the justice system is integral to the suKcess of this projeKt. Personally, I Kan understand why AmeriKa might feel inKlined to judge us by our KontradiKtions, but I ask them to resist drawing a KonKlusion, and wait to see what the final produKt will look liKe."
Both rappers recently suffered public relations setbacks when their elaborate and oft-cited criminal histories were shown to be at least in part "completely made up and ****".
Earlier this year, online secrets repository The Smoking Gun (www.thesmokinggun.com) posted evidence that despite frequent assertions to the contrary, Akon, among whose albums is the 2006 hit "Konvicted", has not spent considerable amount of time in prison. However, sources indicate that Akon has visited numerous prisons via Google Streetz View. Similar problems have only recently derailed Rick Ross's fast rising rap career. Ross, who frequently claims to have made his first fortune "slinging weight," appears to have been employed at least part time as a guard in a Federal prison. Ross' latest album "Trilla," a recent chart topper is, according to the rotund law enforcer, a combination of True and Real. Ross was unavailable for comment at press time, but in the wake of allegations that his backstory is neither true nor real, Ross's publicist is defending the title as "Fronic", or "Funny and Ironic".
According to sources within music industry, representatives for the artists have contacted noted backstory embellisher and Hip Hop impresario Dr. Dre, and Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, to assist them in the development of a new backstory that is "hard core, disturbing, and almost completely verifiable." Record industry observers speculate that if Dre and Whedon agree to collaborate, this new backstory could "be plausible", and possibly hit the streets as early as September, in time for the VMA's.
In a press release, Akon elaborated on his desire to work with the troubled corrections officer.
"Sometimes, it feels like a man is being Konvicted without a fair trial in a Kourt of Law. That's why worKing with someone who has close up Knowldge of the justice system is integral to the suKcess of this projeKt. Personally, I Kan understand why AmeriKa might feel inKlined to judge us by our KontradiKtions, but I ask them to resist drawing a KonKlusion, and wait to see what the final produKt will look liKe."
In an interview given almost hours after evidence of his law enforcement past surfaced, Ross seemed to indicate the direction this project might take. "Personally, biography embellishment is played out. It's time to do something totally hard core, without any basis in fact whatsoever. On the real, I'd love to work with a visonary like Akon." Added Ross, "We goin' straight make up. No Homo."
Related Stories:
Related Stories:
- Akon denies first album purchased with own money "Tiny Dancer"
- Rick Ross admits to taking day off from hustlin'
- Akon refuses to confirm link between Rick Ross and Mr. Rogers' Land of Make Believe
Reporting by Earnest Pettie and Ross Lincoln
What Jesse Jackson Said About Barack Obama
Friday, July 11, 2008 4:47:26 PM | 1 Comment
Friday, July 11, 2008 4:47:26 PM | 1 Comment
Jesse Jackson has gone to lengthy measures to apologize to Barack Obama for something he said about Senator Obama recently. Fox News mics picked up Jackson's statements, but it wasn't entirely clear what the Reverend said. Luckily, I am well-versed in Jacksonian english, so allow me to transcribe for you:
From the pulpit and the vestible,
I will cut his testicles to the vesicles.
God said, y'all shall take his balls, nuts and all
He told me in a conference call.
Can I get an A'men?
Not caught on Fox News's live mic was someone's response: Why can't you ever make sense when you talk? It's like you have false alzheimers! Everything you say makes no sense, but we know you're fully capable of thinking. How else could you rhyme all the time? Now you've got me doing it!
From the pulpit and the vestible,
I will cut his testicles to the vesicles.
God said, y'all shall take his balls, nuts and all
He told me in a conference call.
Can I get an A'men?
Not caught on Fox News's live mic was someone's response: Why can't you ever make sense when you talk? It's like you have false alzheimers! Everything you say makes no sense, but we know you're fully capable of thinking. How else could you rhyme all the time? Now you've got me doing it!
Dimitri, the Voicemail Guy's, Outgoing Message
Wednesday, July 2, 2008 4:42:17 PM | 1 Comment
Wednesday, July 2, 2008 4:42:17 PM | 1 Comment
Hello, you've reached Dimitri... a catch. I can not come to the phone right now because I'm making great money. Seriously. If you're an elegant lady, please press 1. If you're an extremely elegant woman, please press 2. If you're responding to a voicemail left by me, please press 3. If you're into playing those games--you know which ones, please call back after 3:00 pm. Thursday. Again, you've reached Dimitri, a catch. I don't even have to listen to these voicemails, but I will, for your sake. *BEEP*
