How to Impress a Woman/Man

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN...
show up naked,
bring beer.

What to not say to the nice policeman.

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good Job!
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
Bad cop! No doughnut!
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonald's?
I pay your salary!
So, uh, you on the take or what?
Gee, Officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around--that's how far ahead of me they are.
What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
Hey, can you give me another one of those full body cavity searches?

Have you ever heard a nois in someones window, got curios and peeked throu. If you did, tell me your experience.

One day, I went to pick up some eggs from the store for brekefast. On the way back I heard a nois inside a house but I keped going, the noise got louder and louder and I couldn't help it so i went for a little peeke.
I poped my head i the window a little bit, then I saw the back of this lady jumping up and down fast, I looked closer and I saw it all, front row seat and all, there was this dude on the floor and a chick on top, the two of them were naked and going wild on themself if you know what i mean.
I simpli just got my bag of eggs(huevos ;>)) and then ran home hoping that they din't see me.